WHAT'S ON MY DESK (APRIL 2011)

List
(My "working desk" actually includes two desks next to each other (one is a standing desk to help alleviate my back pains) a stool, a box, two file folders, a shopping bag and the space around the desks -- all of these areas are littered with content. For this purpose, I am only listing the contents of the sitting desk which is what I primarily use. The list is in no particular order, except that I’ll try to post items that usually remain on the desk towards the bottom of the list .)

--a new journal that I plan to use for F's future adoption process. To wit, WE JUST RECEIVED APPROVAL to adopt F and hope to finalize that over the next two months! Here is F when she visited us this past holiday season through Kidsave; this was her first visit to a U.S. art gallery, in this case the St. Helena outpost of Caldwell Snyder, next to a sculpture by Jean Wells:



--Books & Chapbooks: MOURNING DIARY by Roland Barthes; PEACE CONFERENCE by Thomas Fink (his most mature work yet); GEOGRAPHIES by Mark Young; FIELD WORK: NOTES, SONGS, POEMS 1997-2010 by David Hadbawnik; 2 copies of LEFT GLOVE by Mac Wellman; INSIDE THE MONEY MACHINE by Minnie Bruce Pratt; LONG QUIET HIGHWAY by Natalie Goldberg; COLD WIND by C.J. Box; the trials of edgar poe and other poems BY nED bALBO; 19 NEW AMERICAN POETS OF THE GOLDEN GATE Edited by Philip Dow; ALTAZOR by vicente Hidobro (trans. from Spanish by Eliot Weinberger); MAN'S SEARCH FOR MEANING by Viktor E. Frankl; NOVEL CHATELAINE by Eileen Tabios(1)
--YELLOW FIELD, a literary journal out of Buffalo, N.Y. that contains a review of my 2006 book, The Secret Lives of Punctuations.
--watch
--Brochure and other information about GlammaTOYS and specifically its fundraising program
--bank statements
--Telephone
--Computer laptop, keyboard, keyboard wrist rest, computer speakers, mouse, two mousepads, laptop shelf
-- box of tissues
-- Calendar-diaries for 2010 and 2009 (2)
-- Mom's checkbook and savings account journal
-- bottles of Olivina Napa Valley Hand Lotion and Avon Moisture Therapy Hand & Body Lotion
--three coasters
--calculator
--letter in Spanish from a former Colombian orphan "Juanita" now adopted by a family in New York
--a photo mailer with a pensive shot of Michelle Bautista in Galatea's "Babaylan Lodge (3)
--paper clip holder and paper clips
--postcard poem of "Dysthmyia" by Amanda Laughtland
--pamphlet for HANDGUN SAFETY CERTIFICATE STUDY GUIDE published by the California Department of Justice
--two music CDs
--Opening bank statement for Michael's first bank account
--Six photo albums
--pen and pencil holder containing pens, pencils, scissors, post-it pad, binder clips, mini pencil sharpener, eraser
--business cards from doctor, veterinarian, optometrist, opthalmologist, a(n incompetent) financial advisor, a printing company, a professor at a New York community college, attorney, curator at Fine Arts Museum of San Francisco, two pet-sitting services, a socialite-philanthropist, adoption social worker, bookseller for The Elliot Bay Book Company
--Meritage Press business cards
--small pad of old wine tasting notes
--addresses on small slips of paper for Mark L., Amy K., Jean M., and Roseli I.
--silver I-phone earphone holder and earphones
--Motorola phone brochure
--Dell computer brochure
--pad stationeries from Relais & Chateaux and East Bay ASPCA
--numerous photographs
--legal-sized notepad full of old notes
--A cold call letter to the hubby from a self-described "millionaire matchmaking club" with photo of a blonde described as "so gorgeous 'J' should be declared illegal!" After the hubby laughingly tossed it at me, I kept it as I thought I'd poeticize the text. (4)


Commentary/Notes:
(1) Books on desk will reflect what I'm reading, including what I'm thinking of reviewing. Other books will reflect books I found so meaningful or enjoyed that I like having them nearby, e.g. MAN'S SEARCH FOR MEANING by Viktor E. Frankl
(2) I keep current calendar (2011) in moi purse
(3) See January post for actual photo.
(4) See January post for more info.

WHAT'S ON MY DESK (MARCH 2011)

List
(My "working desk" actually includes two desks next to each other (one is a standing desk to help alleviate my back pains) a stool, a box, two file folders, a shopping bag and the space around the desks -- all of these areas are littered with content. For this purpose, I am only listing the contents of the sitting desk which is what I primarily use. The list is in no particular order, except that I’ll try to post items that usually remain on the desk towards the bottom of the list .)

--GODDESS OF TURNIPS / DIOSA DE LOS NABOS, a hand-made poetry/art mini book by Daniel de Culla. Don't know this gent who lives in Spain, but I assume he found me (and my interests in poetry and art) in the internet. Here's an image of its "back cover"--what is special indeed about it is that its pages are all mini-drawings with poetic text (muchas gracias, Senor):



--then some goodies from the lovely Mike and Joyce Gullickson from Texas: first, three journals they edit, the June 2010 and January 2011 editions of The Enigmatist as well as Blue Hole: A Magazine of the Georgetown Poetry Festival 2010; second a cheerful note; and third, last but not least, five pages of some of my old poems that they found in their files! Good thing, they found them as I'm not sure I have copies. And what's interesting is that as I read the poems now, I can't fathom the space from where I wrote them. Anyway, here are three samples of my baby poems -- please coo over them -- and I know they're old as the first two incidents in "Sunlit," for example, refer to some business trips I once took as a banker in my pre-poet life:

Sunlit

I could be driving too fast down a back road in Paris,
Texas, the night starless beyond the windshield
stained by birds before the day is done. And

I could be in Alabama chewing on alligator meat deep-fried
until it might as well be chicken, except a burly native
would be reliving his wrestling match with dinner. And

I could be smoking a Cuban lit by a buxom blonde who offered
a pale cleavage with a piece of cedar to light my cigar, surrounded
by mahogany walls in a dim bar on Manhattan's Upper East Side. And

I could be gliding over pregnant vineyards in Napa Valley
in a hot air balloon, its hide stitched from pieces of a rainbow,
a V of birds and a two-seater plane interrupting the horizon. And

still, I only would be considering how rarely a smile
sits on your lips, and yet that it sits there with ease
when you look at me: Thus, you make all my spaces sunlit.



Anticipating Siberia
--for John and Resa

I hear the birth of rain, see
a tree bow from its burden:
clouds weeping on patient leaves.

Lake Baikal freezes when winter
capes Siberia. But the buried fishes,
I am convinced, do not shiver.

A Bowery drunk smashes an empty bottle,
gasps, "Come on, come on"
to the serial killer sloppy that night.

Men leave. Women leave.
Men die. Women die. A door opens.
Sometimes, an end is still the best conclusion.

Amsterdam or London--the layover
will not matter when I arrive
in St. Petersburg to depart on a train

whose conductors yell to milling crowds:
"Irkuts!" I can smell the mint of the tea
steaming from porcelain between my hands.



listening to what woke me

in the city, as summer evaporates off the streets:
the stilled, sharp blades of a three-pronged fan
behind the curve of its grated mask

the fragments of dust wakened
by the sole of a gavel
slamming as the judge stands

the pale-pink cotton fluttering
from my baby's tiny snore,
bereft of nightmares cracking the eggshell of his brow

the memory of Black Mesa (New Mexico), an infinite sapphire
past the horizon as I drive by in a red car with Foreplay
surrounding ... then the smoke in Anita's songs

your finger trailing the ragged seam of my stretchmark

the last puddle of spicy, flour-thickened gravy
as a crumbling piece of warm cornbread
hovers, the butter dripping

you cannot translate the scattered remnants of a circle
covering the box from Chinatown in the hadns of a boy
and I think of moths as the sun disappears

-- the flutter of wings as they tease a dim porchlight

--YELLOW FIELD, a literary journal out of Buffalo, N.Y. that contains a review of my 2006 book, The Secret Lives of Punctuations. Yay.
--letter from Carolina Wren Press regarding review copies they sent to Galatea Resurrects
--2 letters from my oldest friend (we met in 7th grade), one of which arrived with a scarf she knitted for my Mom
--a wonderful letter with a poem and exhibition card from poet-artist Jim Mullen
--Art exhibition announcements for Sharon Louden and Ron Ehrlich
--Books & Chapbooks: MOURNING DIARY by Roland Barthes; X (ANGEL CITY) by Joseph Lease: A TOAST IN THE HOUSE OF FRIENDS by Akilah Oliver; ITERATION NETS by Karla Kelsey; THIS IS THE STORY OF THINGS THAT HAPPENED and ACQUIESCENCE, two poetry chaps by Lynn Behrendt; MAN'S SEARCH FOR MEANING by Viktor E. Frankl; NEXT VICTIM by Michael Prescott; NOVEL CHATELAINE by Eileen Tabios; WEEKENDS WITH O'KEEFE by C.S. Merrill; PEACE CONFERENCE by Thomas Fink(1)
--Brochure and other information about GlammaTOYS and specifically its fundraising program
--bank statements
--Telephone
--Computer laptop, keyboard, keyboard wrist rest, computer speakers, mouse, two mousepads, laptop shelf
-- box of tissues
-- Calendar-diaries for 2010 and 2009 (2)
-- Mom's checkbook and savings account journal
-- slightly used napkin (3)
-- bottles of Olivina Napa Valley Hand Lotion and Avon Moisture Therapy Hand & Body Lotion
--three coasters
--calculator
--letter in Spanish from a former Colombian orphan "Juanita" now adopted by a family in New York
--a photo mailer with a pensive shot of Michelle Bautista in Galatea's "Babaylan Lodge (4)
--paper clip holder and paper clips
--postcard poem of "Dysthmyia" by Amanda Laughtland
--pamphlet for HANDGUN SAFETY CERTIFICATE STUDY GUIDE published by the California Department of Justice
--two music CDs
--Opening bank statement for Michael's first bank account
--Six photo albums
--pen and pencil holder containing pens, pencils, scissors, post-it pad, binder clips, mini pencil sharpener, eraser
--business cards from doctor, veterinarian, optometrist, opthalmologist, a(n incompetent) financial advisor, a printing company, a professor at a New York community college, attorney, curator at Fine Arts Museum of San Francisco, two pet-sitting services, a socialite-philanthropist, adoption social worker, bookseller for The Elliot Bay Book Company
--Meritage Press business cards
--small pad of old wine tasting notes
--addresses on small slips of paper for Mark L., Amy K., Jean M., and Roseli I.
--silver I-phone earphone holder and earphones
--Motorola phone brochure
--Dell computer brochure
--pad stationeries from Relais & Chateaux and East Bay ASPCA
--numerous photographs
--legal-sized notepad full of old notes
--A cold call letter to the hubby from a self-described "millionaire matchmaking club" with photo of a blonde described as "so gorgeous 'J' should be declared illegal!" After the hubby laughingly tossed it at me, I kept it as I thought I'd poeticize the text. (5)


Commentary/Notes:
(1) Books on desk will reflect what I'm reading, including what I'm thinking of reviewing. Other books will reflect books I found so meaningful or enjoyed that I like having them nearby, e.g. MAN'S SEARCH FOR MEANING by Viktor E. Frankl
(2) I keep current calendar (2011) in moi purse
(3) That used napkin has been there for six months! Okay, resolution is to toss it out before the next monthly installment of this project which at least has the side-effect of making me clean up around here...
(4) See January post for actual photo.
(5) See January post for more info.

WHAT'S ON MY DESK (FEBRUARY 2011)

List
(My "working desk" actually includes two desks next to each other (one is a standing desk to help alleviate my back pains) a stool, a box, two file folders, a shopping bag and the space around the desks -- all of these areas are littered with content. For this purpose, I am only listing the contents of the sitting desk which is what I primarily use. The list is in no particular order, except that I’ll try to post items that usually remain on the desk towards the bottom of the list .)

--Books & Chapbooks: THIS IS THE STORY OF THINGS THAT HAPPENED and ACQUIESCENCE, two poetry chaps by Lynn Behrendt; MAN'S SEARCH FOR MEANING by Viktor E. Frankl; TREACHERY IN DEATH by J.D. Robb; NOVEL CHATELAINE by Eileen Tabios; WEEKENDS WITH O'KEEFE by C.S. Merrill; FROM EAR: SAY by Barbara Cole; and RUMOR by Elizabeth Robinson. (1)
--Brochure and other information about GlammaTOYS and specifically its fundraising program
--Pamphlet from Oxbow School Visiting Artist Lectures, Spring 2011 (2)
--some recent bank statements
--pamphlet for Italian artist E. Orlando Martina. We'd met him in Venice where his Atelier was opposite the hotel where we were staying and, among other things, he charcoal-ed this on the spot for us:



--email print-outs, announcement of an “Ice Cream Social” and other information sent out at the beginning of the schoolyear from Michael’s school
--Telephone
--Computer laptop, keyboard, keyboard wrist rest, computer speakers, mouse, two mousepads, laptop shelf
-- box of tissues
-- Calendar-diaries for 2010 and 2009 (3)
-- Mom's checkbook and savings account journal
-- slightly used napkin (4)
-- bottles of Olivina Napa Valley Hand Lotion and Avon Moisture Therapy Hand & Body Lotion
--three coasters
--calculator
--letter in Spanish from a former Colombian orphan "Juanita" now adopted by a family in New York
--a photo mailer with a pensive shot of Michelle Bautista in Galatea's "Babaylan Lodge (5)
--paper clip holder and paper clips
--postcard poem of "Dysthmyia" by Amanda Laughtland
--watch repair estimate from Movado Group, Inc.
--ARCA REVISTA DE LITERATURY Y FILOSOFIA, No. 3, Invierno 2008, a Spanish literary journal
--pamphlet for HANDGUN SAFETY CERTIFICATE STUDY GUIDE published by the California Department of Justice
--two music CDs
--Art exhibition announcements for Drew Goings, Max Gimblett, Darrell Nettles, Rod Penner, Dozier Bell, Karen Schiff & Hadi Tabatabai
--Opening bank statement for Michael's first bank account
--Six photo albums
--pen and pencil holder containing pens, pencils, scissors, post-it pad, binder clips, mini pencil sharpener, eraser
--business cards from doctor, veterinarian, optometrist, opthalmologist, a(n incompetent) financial advisor, a printing company, a professor at a New York community college, attorney, curator at Fine Arts Museum of San Francisco, two pet-sitting services, a socialite-philanthropist, adoption social worker, bookseller for The Elliot Bay Book Company
--Meritage Press business cards
--small pad of old wine tasting notes
--addresses on small slips of paper for Mark L., Amy K., Jean M., and Roseli I.
--silver I-phone earphone holder and earphones
--Motorola phone brochure
--Dell computer brochure
--pad stationeries from Relais & Chateaux and East Bay ASPCA
--numerous photographs
--legal-sized notepad full of old notes
--A cold call letter to the hubby from a self-described "millionaire matchmaking club" with photo of a blonde described as "so gorgeous 'J' should be declared illegal!" After the hubby laughingly tossed it at me, I kept it as I thought I'd poeticize the text. (6)


Commentary/Notes:
(1) Books on desk will reflect what I'm reading, including what I'm thinking of reviewing. Other books will reflect books I found so meaningful or enjoyed that I like having them nearby, e.g. MAN'S SEARCH FOR MEANING by Viktor E. Frankl
(2) This was of interest to me because among the visiting artists is the brilliant Julio Cesar Morales, one of whose works we're lucky to have gracing la casa. In fact, here's a photo of his artwork hanging in the living room:



Not that I'll actually go to Julio's lecture...I don't go anywhere nowadays; I just molt on Moi Desk...

(3) I keep current calendar (2011) in moi purse
(4) I can’t believe that napkin is still there, and has been there for at least five months, until I realized I’d also used it as a notepad and must have thought the notes worth saving. But if I’d forgotten whatever I’d scratched out five-plus months ago, I guess it’s time for that napkin to go!
(5) See January post for actual photo.
(6) See January post for more info.
OTHER: A result of keeping track of desk contents is that I was pushed to start cleaning up the desk a bit -- always useful.

WHAT'S ON MY DESK (JANUARY 2011)

List
(My "working desk" actually includes two desks next to each other (one is a standing desk to help alleviate my back pains) a stool, a box, two file folders, a shopping bag and the space around the desks -- all of these areas are littered with content. For this purpose, I am only listing the contents of the sitting desk which is what I primarily use. The list is in no particular order.)

--Telephone
--Computer laptop, keyboard, keyboard wrist rest, computer speakers, mouse, two mousepads, laptop shelf
-- box of tissues
--coffee mug with coffee
-- Calendar-diaries for 2010 and 2009 (1)
-- Mom's checkbook and savings account journal
-- slightly used napkin
-- bottles of Olivina Napa Valley Hand Lotion and Avon Moisture Therapy Hand & Body Lotion
--three coasters
--calculator
--Books & Chapbooks: MAN'S SEARCH FOR MEANING by Viktor E. Frankl; FOR THE ORDINARY ARTIST: SHORT REVIEWS, OCCASIONAL PIECES & MORE by Bill Berkson; PORTA POTTIES OF THE WESTERN WORLD, Vol. 1 by Jenifer K Wofford; NOVEL CHATELAINE by Eileen Tabios; WEEKENDS WITH O'KEEFE by C.S. Merrill; FROM EAR: SAY by Barbara Cole; DRAFT 43: GAP by Rachel Blau DuPlessis; RUMOR by Elizabeth Robinson; and EL CUERVO Y OTROS POEMS by Edgar Allan Poe with Spanish translations by Helbardot and illustrations by Gustavo Abascal (2)
--note from Brandon Shimoda/Wave Books
--letter in Spanish from a former Colombian orphan "Juanita" now adopted by a family in New York (3)
--a photo mailer with a pensive shot of Michelle Bautista in Galatea's "Babaylan Lodg; actually, here's the lovely photo taken by master photographer Rhett Pascual:


--paper clip holder and paper clips
--postcard poem of "Dysthmyia" by Amanda Laughtland
--Correspondence: letters/cards/etc from Arthur Sze, Tamiko Beyer, Thomas Mann, "Ogilvie", Citibank, Napa Valley Laparoscopy, and Salita Bryant
--watch repair estimate from Movado Group, Inc.
--EccoLinguistics, a stapled 'zine sent by Jared Schickling (4)
--ARCA REVISTA DE LITERATURY Y FILOSOFIA, No. 3, Invierno 2008, a Spanish literary journal
--pamphlet for HANDGUN SAFETY CERTIFICATE STUDY GUIDE published by the California Department of Justice
--mock-up of a 2004 manuscript that never got off the ground due to my embarrassment: "FUR EILEEN" (VOLUME 1) which consists of poems written by others and dedicated to me and that was originally planned as a fundraiser for a literary organization
--two music CDs
--blank postcard of Vermeer's "Lady Writing a Letter with Her Maid, c. 1670"
--a xerox of the beginning of one of beloved son Michael's school projects, the creation of a new 900-word vocabulary list (5)
--printed emails from and to Director of Admissions at Michael's school
--Art exhibition announcements for Drew Goings, Max Gimblett, Darrell Nettles, Rod Penner, Dozier Bell, Karen Schiff & Hadi Tabatabai
--Opening bank statement for Michael's first bank account
--computer wrist pad
--Six photo albums
--pen and pencil holder containing pens, pencils, scissors, post-it pad, binder clips, mini pencil sharpener, eraser
--business cards from doctor, veterinarian, optometrist, opthalmologist, a(n incompetent) financial advisor, a printing company, a professor at a New York community college, attorney, curator at Fine Arts Museum of San Francisco, two pet-sitting services, a socialite-philanthropist, adoption social worker, bookseller for The Elliot Bay Book Company
--Meritage Press business cards
--pamphlet for the 1st International Babaylan Conference 2010
--small pad of old wine tasting notes
--addresses on small slips of paper for Mark L., Amy K., Jean M., and Roseli I.
--silver I-phone earphone holder and earphones
--Motorola phone brochure
--Dell computer brochure
--pad stationeries from Relais & Chateaux and East Bay ASPCA
--numerous photographs
--legal-sized notepad full of old notes
--A cold call letter to the hubby from a self-described "millionaire matchmaking club" with photo of a blonde described as "so gorgeous 'J' should be declared illegal!" After the hubby laughingly tossed it at me, I kept it as I thought I'd poeticize the text. Meanwhile, here's a photo of "J" (sorry for crappy quality): (6)



Commentary/Notes:
(1) I keep current calendar (2011) in moi purse
(2) Books on desk will reflect what I'm reading, including what I'm thinking of reviewing. Other books will reflect books I found so meaningful or enjoyed that I like having them nearby, e.g. MAN'S SEARCH FOR MEANING by Viktor E. Frankl
(3) Yay to adoption!
(4) Thanks Jared! Enjoying it!
(5) I plan to make Michael's 900-word list the source for a new "haybun" (like the haibun except it will use hay(na)ku instead of haiku) for a manuscript-in-progress, 147 MILLION ORPHANS.
(6) The letter, signed by its "President and CMO (chief matchmaking officer!)" says the letter is "confidential" and invites the reader to visit its website (presumably it'd include more photos of "so gorgeous should be illegal" women). I was going to identify this clown but I don't have time to indulge in an internet battle that might ensue. I will, however, post the President and CMO's letter in its fulsome glory (are millionaires and the occasional billionaire really this desperate?) for our mutual reading pleasure:

PERSONAL & CONFIDENTIAL

Dear ___,

You don't know me, or maybe you do. I run and own a millionaire matchmaking club for single, rich men looking for Miss Right. I'm told you may be looking for her.

Please do not confuse me with my competitor in Los Angeles, who is known for her reality show about millionaires and matchmaking. At the ___, we operate quite differently--and are proud of the professional way we conduct business.

Our corporate headquarters are in Seattle, and I personally work with a handful of men throughout the country at any given time--like Washington, D.C., Charlotte, Seattle, Los Angeles, Dallas and others (sic) major cities.

At this moment, I am looking to work with one or two more clients (or even three, if someone doesn't mind being placed on a short waiting list.) (sic)

You see, I give individual attention and priority to each client--you would be no exception. It's also why I command (and get!) a six-figure fee, all said and done. Yep, I get paid well and as a result, those bachelors over the years who said to me, "C__, I'm going to marry one of your women"...they all have!

What's happened to the other guys?

Well, some are still in long-term and loving relationships. And I have a great fellow who just got engaged. And of course there were men who joined over the years who had no business joining...or my even accepting them (I'll take some responsibility!) (sic)

Allow me to explain:

I've been involved in this crazy little business of love for over 9-years (sic) now. I say these words with a smile on my face. Dealing with single multimillionaire men has not always been easy. Like any business, you have your headache clients and those you wish you can clone.

Guess what?

I'm finally at a level where I can (gasp) refuse clients. Yes, even during these economic (sic) challenging times, I can refuse anyone I like (or anyone I don't like!) (sic)

Believe me, when you're paid as well as I am for each matchmaking search, I don't take these kinds of decisions lightly. My nature wants to help everyone, too; but my intellect knows some of you are worth taking on and some are not.

I value my sanity first and foremost. Next, I want you to succeed...or certainly stand more than a fair chance of nabbing a great woman. My reputation is on the line, too.

Fortunately, it's not often I have to decline an offer--but I've had a goofy past 6-weeks, where a couple men (sic) who really wanted to join my elite agency I wasn't able to accept. In fact, you couldn't pay me a million dollars to work with them (well, maybe for a million dollars I can overlook SOME things...we even have a NEW plan costing that much, for the brave heart!) (sic)

In all seriousness, I deal with the world of matching + love = happiness. When things go as they usually do, this is a FUN gig...I bring hope, adventure and love to bachelors' lives--and for those with an open heart, you can meet and marry (if that's your life plan), a beautiful woman we've found for you.

A classy lady, a smart lady, a healthy lady, a sweet lady, a funny lady, a committed lady, a kind-hearted lady and a financially independent lady (no gold diggers, unless that's what you want! NOT.) (sic)

You may be the marrying kind, or you may discover along the way you're not--not every relationship has to result in marraige. A loving, nurturing and long-term relationship can work, too. This is where my initial interview with you comes in handy--to help you decide what is it you really want in life and with WHOM.

I'm not a high-pressure person at all. But if we both believe we can work well together, I want to bring you on board now! (Even with precious few spots available, I can still place you on a wiating list, if you're not in a hurry.)

O.K., back to me being choosy (as I know you are, too, when hiring a professional services person.) (sic)

I've learned a lot othese past nine years, for instance:

* You all want a beautiful woman in the physical sense. No exceptions.

* If you're a "5"in looks, you still want a "9-10." (Note: only the most confident, charming and dashing man call pull this one off.)

* Miss Right can be standing right before your very eyes,and you'll still wonder who might be lurking ahead. I call it "grass is greener" syndrome.

* If you're 5'5" tall, you still think you're on par with other millionaire bachelors over six feet tall (you're not, please deal with it.) (sic) In fact, anyone under 5'10" tall, you'll have to prove to me in other ways I can sell you to the woman of your dreams.

Does all this sound shallow? Welcome to my world!

Oy vey (and I'm not even Jewish, but I adore Jewish men)...in fact, I welcome all religious affiliations! Most ladies we recruit or keep in our portfolio are Christian or highly spiritual (and all are open-minded when dating men of different faith.) (sic)

I have to tell you, the past couple years (sic) I grew completely weary with rich clients' demands, illusions and delusions. That's when my fees not only skyrocketed, but I realize (sic) I don't have to work with everyone who wants to work with me.

If you wish to develop a working relationship with me and I desire the same--it's going to be a two-way relationship of trust, professionalism and no unreasonable demands of any kind by you. Call me tough, but no one has ever called me unfair.

Whew, glad I got that out of my system. In reality, those lucky guys (maybe you?) allowing me the pleasure of finding them their soul mate, will probably think, "why (sic) didn't I sign up sooner?"

I know we will become fast friends (perks fo the trade!) (sic) That's how my clients view me, even the troublesome ones over the years. They see me as someone likeable, friendly, humorous, professional and smart...they know I'll get the job done if you let go and live--in other words, no micromanaging allowed.

Please don't confuse accountability with micromanaging...I do the former, if you don't do the latter.

You see, the business of love and matchmaking commands I like my clients, too! Otherwise, I'm taking blood money from someone I either can't work with or who isn't sincere about joining in the first place (both are unacceptable.) (sic)

DISCLOSURE: Just like the beautiful woman you demand in your life (whether you can attract her on your own or not), I now demand to work with men who are physically a "5" or better. I won't work with 1's through 4's anymore, even if you're a billionaire (and yes, I've worked with a afew "2-3" scale billionaires.) (sic)

Do you know why?

Because I am so masterful at what I do, I'm able to get a "10" stunning woman to meet a "1, 2, 3 or4" client, if that's who he asks (begs?) to meet...and then the gal says to me later, "C__, what were you thinking? You owe me one!"

How much rejection can these guys take?

I'll be frank.

I'm working with a client in Dallas who has the biggest heart of gold. But he's failing [...] because I'm setting him up with gorgeous women (remember, you ALL demand beauty!() (sic) While he's 6'2" tall and in decent shape...he has a "2" mug of a aface--and don't crucify me, please, because I adore this client!

I told him the other day he HAS to let me fix him up with someone who is a physical "6+" (still generous in my eyes)...and you know what, that's when this guy is going to eventually succeed, if he allows me.

I want him and I want YOU (whatever number on the scale you may fall) to succeed in CLOSING the deal when the right woman comes along--I can introduce and find women you'll be proud to bring home to mamma (or your best friend)...but YOU have to do the rest.

Take a peek at our website, and read this letter ten more times if necessary, because that's how long it may take for you to decide, "Hey, I want C__ to help me!" You'll know in your heart-of-hearts, if I an or not!

Sincerely yours,

C____
President and CMO (chief matchmaking officer!)

P.S. Please visit our website at ___. On the flash page is a password protected area called, "VIP Bachelor Guest," which we've created just for you.

Your password is the word bachelor. Your User name is the word guest. Type lower case for each. Keep this letter handy for quick access to our password/ID information.

While on our secure page, you can also order a Client Testimonial DVD (which includes an info packet with our matchmaking fee schedule, since we're cautious how and to whom we disclose pricing information.) (sic) On this professionally produced video, some of our very own millionaires candidly share why they joined! (You'll even hear the viewpoint of a few women, too.) (sic)

You'll have a chance to complete our confidential client application, as well. We encourage you fill out (sic) this form, particularly if you want to talk with me privately, but don't wish to order the info packet at this time.

And such is what's on moi desk, explaining why, at times, I look at moi life and just shake moi purty little head: I mean, one would think professionals would copyedit their solicitations (yo: if you insert a parenthetical within a sentence, youse still gotta end that sentence with a period outside the parenthetical, kapisch?!)... On the other hand, I am a poet and the world is my fodder -- beware, world. So, now, there's a poem in here somewhere and I'm sure it'll be cake-walk (for me or other poets) to sculpt it out of the blather-boulder.

MOI DESK

"Desk" as working space transcends the one sitting desk whose contents are being mined for this blog. Working desk actually includes two desks next to each other (one is a standing desk to help alleviate my back pains) a stool, a box, two file folders, a shopping bag and the space around the desks -- all of these areas are littered with content. Here's the "thousand words":